Dear Z’maji,

My word, I am so offended at the way you talk about people. I mean post after post you attack as if you have the right to comment on peoples lives. Where do you get off?!?!

Sincerely,

Douchey McDouchebag

You know you like it you whore! If you didn’t you wouldn’t keep reading while clutching your unmentionables thrilled at the promise of slaughter. You want blood! We’re the only thing standing between the sanity of the public and the complete buffoonery of the undeservedly famous, what with their bull puckie “fashion” lines and piss water fragrances (yeah, we’re talking to you Lauren Conrad). We know you wake up in the morning, adjust your Fruit Of The Looms and flick on your laptop to read Fashion Indie and see who we’re destroying that day as if we were peddlin’ free porn. Yeah, you like that don’t you Indie?

Now some of you - some of you are just askin’ for it, you sadomasochistic degenerates! You love when we rip you a new one for wearing that piece of trash yo’ mama knitted for over the holidays and guilted you into wearing in the presence of actual people. There you are in the society pages and fashion columns lookin’ a mess, but you had to know we’d see it! It’s cuz you wanted it you trick ass trollop, you like the abuse.

Pretending to try so hard as you comb through every fashion mag and blog, looking for the new thing, the latest trend, wearing things that you don’t even like cuz you think - that we think it’s HOT. Truth is, you’d take a jagged edge to your carotid artery if you couldn’t check out who was trashin’ your name and your unfortunate ensemble choice. Wardrobe malfunction, HA! More like a catastrophic Doomsday event!

You’re welcome.

-Z’maji, The Glam’Rist